Advice Centre

What to expect during mediation following separation

Posted by:
Posted in: Family and children
Date published: 04/07/2019

If you are attending mediation to resolve disagreements about some decisions relating to relationship breakdown, separation or divorce, you might be wondering what this involves. 

A mediator is an independent person that is trained and accredited to assist you in identifying the issues in dispute and help resolve these through discussion.  Sometimes two mediators may be used, but more often than not just one mediator will be involved.  A mediator can meet you and your former partner together, or separately.  They can also arrange to meet you both at one time while you remain in separate rooms, and this is known as shuttle mediation, where the mediator will effectively shuttle between the two rooms to progress discussions.  It is important that you are comfortable throughout the process and you will not be forced to sit together in one room if you do not wish to do so. 

‘An experienced mediator can help ease communication and facilitate discussion between you both’ explains Melissa Jones, family law expert with IMD Solicitors who works between offices in London, Manchester and Birmingham.  They can help you to reach agreement over issues to do with your children, financial division of assets or maintenance payments.  A mediator is neutral and unlike your solicitor will not provide you with legal advice or advocate your position.  It is therefore vital that you obtain advice from a solicitor in addition to the mediation process.    

Having someone neutral and impartial involved can be especially important when you have children, as it helps to keep the lines of communication open and respectful.  Remember that you are likely to have to speak with your former partner or spouse for many years to come, over day-to-day issues such as homework and holidays, and for key milestones, such as learning to drive, graduation or marriage.

In most cases, if you cannot reach agreement with your former partner amicably then before a family dispute goes to court it is a requirement to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). 

The Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM)

This first assessment meeting is with an accredited mediator who will explain how mediation works.  Both parties are expected to attend this, but it does not have to be at the same time.  The MIAM will occur at a neutral venue and, although your solicitor will not be present, the mediator will communicate any updates and progress to your solicitor.  

You will discuss your particular circumstances to decide if mediation will be right for you.  If it is, then the mediator will let you know how many sessions of mediation are likely to be needed, outline the costs, and explore if you would be entitled to legal aid funding.

Deciding whether to proceed with mediation

If you decide that mediation is not appropriate for you, then the mediator will sign a form to confirm that you have considered mediation.  This is needed before your solicitor can issue court proceedings. 

If you both decide to proceed with mediation, then an appointment will be organised for your first mediation session.

Before you attend your first session it is a good idea to jot down and prioritise the issues you hope to resolve, so that the most important matters can be discussed first.  For mediation to be successful it is likely that compromises will have be to made on both sides.  It is a good idea to try to think of two or three solutions that you believe would work in relation to each of the issues you are seeking to resolve.  This gives scope for discussion and is more likely to lead to a positive outcome than having a rigid red line on certain points.

What happens during the mediation sessions?

Both you and your former partner or spouse can attend the mediation together, or a mediator can arrange to meet you separately if this will work best for your circumstances.  Progressing with mediation is a voluntary process and both parties have to be willing to attend.  If your former partner is living in a different location it is possible to arrange mediation via Skype.  You should expect sessions to last between one and two hours.  The number of sessions needed will depend on your circumstances.  Your mediator will have provided you with an indication of the number of expected sessions at the outset.  

It is normal for a mediator during the process to speak to both parties individually, normally in separate rooms or at separate times, to ensure that there is no risk of any harm, emotional or otherwise to either party. 

Mediation is not counselling and will not be able to reconcile your relationship problems.  The aim of mediation is to facilitate discussion between you and your former spouse or partner with a view to reaching an agreement.  All discussions during mediation will remain confidential and will not be disclosed without permission.

If no resolution can be achieved through mediation then the mediator can sign the court forms to enable you to proceed with an application to court.

How are the decisions formalised?

It is important to note that your mediator will not make a judgement about what should happen.  They are impartial and do not act for either party. 

If you are uncertain of the implications of a particular decision or option, then you will need to seek advice from an experienced family lawyer who can advise on whether a course of action is in your best interests

Following mediation, if you have been able to come to an agreement then this should be formalised.  This is done by your family solicitor who will give you advice on the terms of any agreement reached and draft the paperwork to ensure it is legally binding.  This often involves an application to court to formalise the agreement in a court order.  

Who pays for mediation?

Normally each party pays equally towards the costs of mediation. However, it is possible to agree a different split in costs, for example, if one party earns significantly more than the other party.

For further information on mediation or any aspect of relationship breakdown, please contact Melissa Jones in the family law team on 0330 107 0107 or email info@imd.co.uk

This article is for general information only and does not constitute legal or professional advice. Please note that the law may have changed since this article was published.

Published by:

Iwona Durlak Senior Partner

Family Law – IMD Solicitors LLP


Call now to discuss your case: 0330 107 0107
Request a call back Mon - Fri: 9am -5:30pm

Example of cases we have dealt with:

F v F - Acted for a German husband in a complex financial remedy matter. He decided to instruct IMD Solicitors after he had lost trust in his previously instructed solicitors and feared that he would not achieve a favourable outcome from the proceedings. The relevant assets were spread across the globe with some located in the UK (including a multi-million pound business), Gibraltar, Spain, Dubai, and Poland. The overall value of assets exceeded £24 million. The husband had been cut off from the matrimonial assets and excluded from control of the business that had been established by his family. The case involved the instruction of numerous experts, for business valuations, Capital Gains Tax reports, and opinions on the enforcement of orders in foreign jurisdictions, and dealing with several applications, including applications for orders to freeze assets, prevent the disposition of assets, for the joinder of parties, and to litigate conduct issues. The final result exceeded the client’s expectations.
L v L - We were instructed by a mother in a complex international children matter. She was required by orders of the UK courts to return the child to the UK from Poland. She had travelled with the child to Poland but, following unsuccessful application to extend her stay there in August 2017, she decided not to return to the UK because the child disclosed sexual abuse by a member of the paternal family and the father. In September 2018, the Polish court dismissed the father’s Hague Convention application for the child's return on the basis of Article 13(b), a decision which the father appealed. In March 2019, the father applied to the UK High Court for an order for the child’s return pursuant to the procedure set out in Article 11(6) – (8) of the Brussels IIA Regulation. Despite the father's unsuccessful Hague Convention application in Poland, the UK court ordered the return of the child. Article 11 does not allow the court of the returning country much discretion. After all of this, the mother instructed IMD Solicitors to apply to discharge the orders of the UK Court for the return of the child. Even in the face of the fact that most applications to discharge such return orders fail, we succeeded. We are currently awaiting a decision in the UK courts on a further application for the transfer of jurisdiction to the Polish courts where the mother resides with the child.
G v P - We represent a Spanish mother in respect of an urgent application for a Child Arrangements Order and Specific Issue Order in the UK seeking the relocation of the child to Spain. This was after the return of the child to the UK under Hague Convection proceedings which this mother lost in Spain. She was asking for an order for the relocation of the child back to Spain and an urgent interim Child Arrangements Order to allow her to see the child pending the final outcome of the UK proceedings. IMD successfully argued that, regardless of the return of the child to the UK under the Hague Convention, the mother should be allowed unsupervised overnight contact with the child. We were delighted to be able to secure her contact with the child for Christmas and she said that it was the best Christmas gift she could have wished for. The outcome of the application for the relocation is pending.
S v V - We currently represent the father in Child Arrangements Order proceedings issued by the mother in relation to variation of a UK order made in the face of numerous other international proceedings. He is an Italian National who has been living in France for the last 20 years and the mother is a Lithuanian national. The child is now 11 years old and proceedings concerning the child have been ongoing in various jurisdictions for the majority of the child`s life. Contested divorce proceedings including child arrangements took place in Monaco. The French Court and authorities were also involved, and various proceedings had been ongoing between parties since 2013 in France and Monaco. The parties’ divorce was pronounced in Monaco. Thereafter, in December 2020, the mother submitted an application to relocate to England with the child, and the relocation took place in June 2021. Upon relocation, the she lodged a child arrangement order application, seeking to register a judgment made in Monaco and to vary the same in respect of the contact arrangements between the father and the child. The father seeks for the child’s return to Monaco. Due to the parties’ mutual allegations and the associated international elements, various authorities and courts that have been involved in the case, the local authority has become involved with the family and a guardian has been instructed to represent the child in the UK proceedings. At present, these proceedings in England are ongoing and the outcome of the professional reports regarding the family are awaited.  
P v P - We have acted for the Respondent Husband in relation to the financial remedy proceedings in the UK. The parties had various assets in the UK and Romania consisting mainly of the portfolio of properties but conduct issues were raised by the Wife due to a business of the Husband over which she had lost control and her allegations of dissipation of assets. The value of assets excluding the business were in a region of £3 million. 
K v K - We act in financial remedy proceedings for a wife who is a Polish national. The matter's complexity mainly comes from a dispute between the parties around land in Poland. Its value was initially in dispute but was then assessed by a joint expert to be in the region of half a million pounds. The total assets in this case are estimated to be worth over £1 million. The land in Poland is a subject to contract with a third party and is being leased as a photovoltaic (solar) farm. The division of the land to achieve an equal share of the assets is complicated due to the contract in place and plans for the future use of the land. Currently the parties are awaiting a final hearing but efforts are being made to reach a settlement with the aid of alternative dispute resolution and in order to save the parties money and avoid further delays.
R v O - We acted pro bono and worked together with a law firm in Poland to ensure that the Costa Rican Mother regains access to her child. The Mother's only child was abducted from the UK in 2014. The Mother was successful with the abduction case and the UK family courts ordered the return of the child. The orders were recognised in Poland but unfortunately due to various issues with the Mother's immigration status and court's delays in Poland, the orders were never enforced. The Mother was facing removal from the UK and prospects of never seeing her child again. We have corresponded with various courts in Poland dealing with international abduction matters and we decided that an application for contact should be issued rather than any proceedings for further enforcement of the orders, as the Mother had not seen the child for around 7 years. At the same we secured the Mother's stay in the UK making successful outside of immigration rules application to extend her stay. We now receive regular photos from the Mother with her daughter, as face to face contact is taking place. We helped to secure an order of the Polish courts for the Mother to see the child regularly in person, whilst when she instructed us she was facing a prospect of never seeing her child again and being deported to Costa Rica.

Awards and Accreditations